So Much More

When I think back through the years I have been a Christian and all the years spent going to church, I'm always struck by how mundane church use to feel. How I would either just go because my parents did, or go because it was the "right" thing to do. I definitely spent a lot of my life going through the motions as it were. And the thing about it was, I only had myself to blame. I never really took seriously, or really thought about the implications of the Gospel and what the local church really meant and stood for.

I think throughout my time at University God was chiseling away at my heart and showing me that in Him there was so much more! Through some God ordained friends I really started to see that how I was living was selfish and prideful. I grew a lot while I was at University, but still really didn't have a real clue about what church was suppose to look like.

After Dani and I had been married a while and living in La Crosse, God started to stir in both our hearts. He was giving us the same message, which was really cool! He was telling us that there was more, so much more that He had in store for us. We didn't have a clue what that meant, but we knew something had to change!

Then God connected us with Steve Deedrick who was planting a church in my hometown, Rochester. At first we were hesitant about everything, but once we sat down and heard the vision for Harvest Bible Chapel, Rochester, we knew this was God's doing and God's door! We took a step of faith and walked through that door, and let me tell you, it was one of the best decisions we ever made as a married couple. God began a work in my heart, giving me a passion for the local church and the lost in the city of Rochester. God was revealing Himself in new, fresh ways and I was growing more than ever before in my walk with the Lord.

"This is the Lord's doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes." Psalm 118:23

God has continued to grow us up in the faith and we are now half way across the world serving at another Harvest Bible Chapel in Glasgow, Scotland. I never thought I would be in the place that I am in life right now.  It is absolutely crazy to see God at work in my life and in the lives of those around me.

This blog not only serves as a reflection, but also a challenge. First off, God loves you. He knows you better than you even know yourself.  In his grace and mercy He sent His son to pay the penalty for our sins! He has made a way for us to be part His family again, and anyone has the opportunity to accept this gift. Today could be your day!

Second challenge. Do you care as much about the local church as God does?  Are you devoting yourself to serving the Lord in the local church? Are you making disciples? I guarantee you that you will grow more than ever before if you devote yourself to making disciples in every area of your life, but specifically through the God ordained local church.

YOU ARE LOVED!

A video of encouragement

Great Expectations

Before having Roman I had a lot of expectations of what being a parent would be like. I read books and blogs and articles on how to get baby on a routine and how often to feed babies. I knew having a new born would be hard and there would be sleepless nights and my time would no longer be my own. With all of this knowledge I thought things would be much easier than they actually are.

The first week home from the hospital really was quite a blur. I honestly can't remember much about it other than being so filled with joy that our baby was finally here. With that joy you basically do whatever you need to do to take care of your baby even if it means staying up all night. I think God sustains you as well, and gives you strength you didn't know you could ever have.

However after a month in I'm realizing how difficult life can be with a baby. With the bombardment of information I feel overwhelmed because my baby doesn't fit the mold. My baby doesn't take 3-5 naps a day (I'm lucky if he will take one good nap). My baby cries, a lot (which may be an understatement). I can't handle listening to my peanut cry and cry it out just isn't going to work at our house. I don't have family I can call to come over and relieve me for a few hours, and my baby won't take a bottle which makes it even harder for me to get a break.


For example yesterday Roman woke up at 6:30 ate, cried, and then finally went down for a nap. He woke up around 9 ate and fussed some more. He cried the whole morning and wouldn't fall asleep until the afternoon where he slept on and off for no more than 30 minutes. This cry wasn't just your average cry. It was the blood curdling, lip quivering, red faced, head dripping with sweat cry that breaks my heart. The rest of the day followed suit and ended with an evening crying session lasting basically from 5-9 with breaks to feed in between. At that point I think I cried as much as he did. I cried out of frustration, not frustrated with him, but myself for not being able to settle my child. I cried out of sorrow that my baby was in pain. I cried out of exhaustion. But I also cried out to God, asking him why he had given me more than I could handle.

Roman at his finest.

He didn't answer at least not how I wanted. Roman continued to cry. But I realized God didn't give me more than I could handle, he gave me what it took for me to hand it over to God and let him carry my burden. Our God is a gracious God who loves us, wants what's best for us, and comforts us in our pain.   God also knew I needed a break so today Roman has been an angel, sleeping in his bed during his naps, eating well, and even allowing me to go for a walk with a friend.

With all that said, I don't love Roman anymore today than I did yesterday. A mother's love isn't dependent on the behavior of her child. I believe God is the same way. He doesn't love me more on my good days than on my bad ones. He loves me just the same and gives me grace in the moments when I need it most. I'm so thankful for a loving father whose love never changes, never fails, and never leaves me for a moment.

Even though life with a fussy or (colicky) baby is difficult I wouldn't change it for the world. I love being the one to comfort, love, protect, and care for Roman. This past month has been filled with joy and a love for a son that I couldn't even imagine.

Happy one month little stud!

Roman turned one month on Tuesday!

YOU ARE LOVED!

Plan, Provision, Place

I am reminded this week of God's plan. The Gospel must never get old, forgotten, or taken for granted. God sent His son to die MY death! I am also reminded this week of God's provision. Through my doubt and impatience, God has always given what was needed according to His will.  A beautiful and healthy baby boy, recovery for Dani, and the strength to continue joys and struggles of raising a child! God is good!

However, more than anything else this week I am reminded of God's place in my life. I am reminded of this because of my failure at times to practically live in such a way that puts Him on the throne of my life. The challenges of this new normal for me have definitely brought out my inadequacies in this area. At times over the past 3 weeks I have been reminded of the passage in Romans where Paul talks about doing what he doesn't want to do, even though he wants to do good.

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is the sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do, this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, bit is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it." Romans 7:15-20

My deepest desire and passion is to know God and make His name known, and it can be so frustrating when I sway from what I know I love and want. My family is so important to me, but as I have said before they are only important to me because of the intrinsic value that God has given them, and also the love He has given me for them! God alone needs to be my deepest desire and passion, and all else will flow from that reality!

YOU ARE LOVED

*bonus family pic

4 Years and a Baby

Well it hasn't been quite four years since we got married, but my mom who is visiting graciously offered to watch Roman so we could go out to celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary which is on October 24th. Every year on our anniversary we like to look back over the year and talk about our favorite memories together. Well this year was a no brainer...Roman is definitely our year 4 highlight.

As we reminisced over the past year we kept coming back to the fact that we have been so blessed this year. Last October is when we officially decided on coming to Glasgow and we started fundraising in November. Much of this past year has included raising support to come to Scotland and actually living in Scotland. We kept talking about Harvest Rochester and all the support we have received from so many people. So many from that church have blessed us in incredible ways and we cannot wait to get back to those people to see them again and thank them. One highlight in particular was our big fundraising dinner we had about a month before we left. That night in particular we felt so blessed, loved, and supported. The best part of the evening was when one of the elders from our church came up to the front and called others to come up, put hands on us, and pray for us. It was such a special and powerful moment.

I am so blessed with Ben and Roman. The past four years have been years I don't deserve spent with a man that I don't deserve. Ben has been such a gracious, forgiving, loving, and supportive husband. I couldn't ask for a better man to be married to and I am so thankful for his leadership, friendship, and love. Roman is also a gift that I do not deserve and I love that baby more everyday. I am so thankful God has given that wee boy to us to love.

I've been thinking a lot about parents this past week especially with having my mom here. She has been such a blessing to us and has served us so selflessly this past week or so. I hope that one day I can serve Roman and any other children we have with that same love and selflessness. I have also been thinking about my love for Roman and how I would do anything to keep him from harm and do what is best for him, realizing that he may not like everything I do, but in the long run it is for his own good. God is the same way. He loves us more than we could ever imagine. He wants what is best for us, even if that means we must suffer first. He knows what is best and was even willing to sacrifice his son for our life. Being a mom, I can't even imagine what it would be like to have my only son go through that much pain and suffering and death. We truly are blessed to have a heavenly father who loves us beyond measure and desires to give us good gifts that we don't deserve.

When I look back over the next 4, 8, 16, or how ever many years of marriage and motherhood God grants me I pray I will always see the blessings God showers on me.

You are loved!

Husband and Fathers Perspective

You always hear that the experience of having your first child is unlike any other, and with all of the different emotions associated, that it is really hard to describe or explain any of it! Well I will definitely concur that it was unlike anything I have ever experienced and I am going to try to do my best to give you all my perspective of the incredible miracle of the birth of our baby boy Roman Finley Arant.

I think in the back of both of our minds there was always a little bit of nervousness associated with being in a new country and the level of healthcare we would receive specifically surrounding the birthing process. I would say of the two of us that I tend to be a little more positive and optimistic about unknown situations, so I definitely took it upon myself to be just that, positive!

Romans due date quickly came and was gone, and we were left with an induction date that seemed like an eternity away.  Since we slowed down with a lot of other responsibilities the days seemed to drag on longer than normal as we, probably to a fault, wished he would just come already! I attempted as best as I could during that time to be an encourager to Dani, remembering that God is sovereign and knew exactly the date of Romans arrival even though we didn't.

With a little bit of discouragement, we finally reached the date of our induction with no signs that Roman was going to make an appearance. So we went to the hospital, got all checked in and then just sat and waited, and waited, and waited a little more. Finally Dani was given her first dose of the induction pill, and then you'll never guess what happened next. Yep, we waited, and waited again!  We played some games had some chats, shot the breeze, you know...all that good stuff.  Until visiting hours came to and end and I had to leave. It was a rather weird sensation knowing I had to leave, wanting to stay, but knowing sleep would be good.  So I got picked up and went home.  I was super antsy when I got home and I wasn't able to sleep for the longest time.  Finally I laid down and tried to fall asleep around 1:30am, and shortly after Dani called me and said, I'm in a lot of pain you should come in.  At that point I thought to myself, well...she's been saying that she's been in a lot of pain for the last 3 months, is this any different? Great husband, I know. At any rate, I of course agreed to come back in so I called some friends from church who graciously picked me up and brought me back into the hospital.

Not long after I arrived the contractions were in full swing. I really could have missed the whole thing, so God was definitely gracious to me. From this point on, of all the emotions I was feeling, I think the overwhelming one for the majority of the process was seeing Dani in that much pain, making that much noise.  That was tough!

3 hours into the contractions the pushing began.  The whole thing was just incredible.  Dani was absolutely amazing and she just blew my mind. I didn't think at any point I would cry, and if there was going to be one point, it would be when Roman was born and I got to hold him.  However, that wasn't the case. There was a moment in between Dani's pushing where she said "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13) Roman appeared after the NEXT push! Tears.

The next events happened so quickly that it was hard to even comprehend what was going on.  Roman was born, placed on mommy's chest, I cut the umbilical chord, and then the midwife realized how much blood Dani was actually losing.  about 10 nurses and doctors came in sort of in a frantic.  Meanwhile, they handed me the baby and I just watched. I didn't know what was going on and I had a brand new, bloody baby in my arms!  Finally one of the midwives came over and gave me an idea of what was going on and took the baby to get him all checked out and cleaned up.

Dani went into surgery as Roman and I waited patiently in the recovery room.  After a few hours of waiting they finally came in, explained everything that had happened and what kind of surgery Dani had needed.  We then proceeded to go to the High Dependency Unit (HDU) where we stayed for the next few days so that Dani could fully recover.

Through those few days God taught me a lot about what it means to be a husband and a father. He also taught me that I need to fully put my trust in him especially when I have no control over a situation, this being one of those situations.  I learned more about what it means to be selfless, caring, compassionate, and more about how to role up my sleeves even when I am tired.  Dani is completely worth it and Roman is completely worth it because God himself gives them worth and value. A new life is such a miracle and I am so blessed to have the privilege of saying that I am a father and husband!