Marvel

Well 2018 did not begin the way we had hoped for. We had planned on making a special New Year's announcement, but instead we find ourselves sharing our grief instead of our joy. I went back and forth about sharing this video with you all.  We found out the day after Thanksgiving that we were expecting our fourth baby. We told my family and made a special video to share with Ben's family over Christmas. However the morning of the day we were going to show the video I had a miscarriage. Definitely not the fun Christmas vacation we planned for. So here is the video we planned to share with Ben's family and the rest of you. I don't share it to gain your sympathy, but instead for these three reasons to celebrate, to remember, and to worship. As I begin to process what has happened over the last month these are the things I'm trying to focus on.

1. Celebrate.
I believe with my whole heart that there was life inside of me. We saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound. I also believe that this life inside of me was no different than the life of my other three children. This baby began the same way we all do. This baby was knit together in my womb by the hand of God. That alone is something to celebrate. All life is a miracle and all life should be celebrated no matter how long that life lasts. I also believe that our baby is now in heaven with Jesus. This child will never have to feel pain or sorrow and that is another reason to celebrate. God knows our child deeply and loves our child more than we ever could have on earth.

2. Remember.
I fear that if I don't write these thoughts down, if I don't celebrate this life, and believe this baby is like my others I won't remember. I want to remember we have 4 children, not 3. This baby brought us joy, even in the short time we knew there was life inside of me. I want my children to remember they have another sibling, and this sibling is in heaven with Jesus. I'm so thankful to have had the video below made. Even though it may be painful to watch now it will be a sweet reminder of our precious baby and the joy that surrounded this child.

3. Worship.
Lastly, and this is the hardest of the three points, I want to worship. God is the creator and sustainer of life. He is sovereign and oh so good. He has our best in mind even when it doesn't feel that way. God formed the life that was inside of me in his image. He was the one who gave us joy and he is the one who is now comforting us in our pain. We worship him because he is good and so full of mercy. Life is a miracle of God, and this life was no different. Ephesians 2:4 has been going through my head this last week. "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us..." God is so merciful towards us and he could have left us in our pain and suffering, but he didn't. He moves towards us and comforts us and loves us more than we can fathom.

This last week has been one of intense grief and heart ache. I knew miscarriage must be hard to go through, but you never really know the depth of the pain you will feel until you walk this path. But we rejoice in the fact that one day we will meet our child in heaven and that gives us the hope we need.

**Roman wanted to give the baby a name and as we were searching for a name one of the first ones that popped up was Marvel, which means Miracle in French, and since Roman has enjoyed everything Marvel for the last couple years, that's what we chose. We chose to name the baby Marvel.